hilarious quotes and sayings for facebook

The Theologian is an owl, sitting on an old dead branch in the tree of human knowledge, and hooting the same old hoots that have been hooted for hundreds and thousands of years, but he has never given a hoot for progress. ~Emmet F. Fields


The plans that I made when horizontal are working out now that I'm vertical. ~Betsy Canas Garmon, www.wildthymecreative.com


She glances at the photo, and the pilot light of memory flickers in her eyes. ~Frank Deford


A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be. ~Douglas Pagels


So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. ~Psalms 90:12


Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out. ~Mark Twain


Is not the most erotic part of the body wherever the clothing affords a glimpse? ~Roland Barthes


My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. ~Douglas Adams


The poetry of the earth is never dead. ~John Keats


The greatest discoveries of science have always been those that forced us to rethink our beliefs about the universe and our place in it. ~Robert L. Park, in The New York Times, 7 December 1999


An apology for the Devil: It must be remembered that we have only heard one side of the case. God has written all the books. ~Samuel Butler, Note-Books


Almost all of us long for peace and freedom; but very few of us have much enthusiasm for the thoughts, feelings, and actions that make for peace and freedom. ~Aldous Huxley


Life is a flame that is always burning itself out, but it catches fire again every time a child is born. ~George Bernard Shaw


Mathematics is the only good metaphysics. ~William Thomson Baron Kelvin of Largs


A man ought not never to get drunk above the neck. ~Author Unknown


On Easter Day the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer. ~Douglas Horton


Diplomacy: The business of handling a porcupine without disturbing the quills. ~Author Unknown


No one could give her such soothing and sensible consolation as this little three-month-old creature when he lay at her breast and she felt the movement of his lips and the snuffling of his tiny nose. ~Leo Tolstoy


There's a saying among prospectors: "Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find." ~Robert Flaherty


Flowers have spoken to me more than I can tell in written words. They are the hieroglyphics of angels, loved by all men for the beauty of the character, though few can decipher even fragments of their meaning. ~Lydia M. Child