funny quotes for shirts

Baseball is drama with an endless run and an ever-changing cast. ~Joe Garagiola, Baseball is a Funny Game


I owe much to my friends; but, all things considered, it strikes me that I owe even more to my enemies. The real person springs life under a sting even better than under a caress. ~Andre Gide


I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium." ~Steven Wright


Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out. ~Anton Chekhov


The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs. ~Charles de Gaulle


Conscience warns us before it reproaches us. ~Comtesse Diane (Marie Josephine de Suin de Beausacq), Maximes de la vie, 1908


I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. ~Jewish Proverb


A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. ~Roald Dahl


To become a grandparent is to enjoy one of the few pleasures in life for which the consequences have already been paid. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?" ~John Stewart


All true tea lovers not only like their tea strong, but like it a little stronger with each year that passes. ~George Orwell, "A Nice Cup of Tea"


Morality comes with the sad wisdom of age, when the sense of curiosity has withered. ~Graham Greene


The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck! ~Author Unknown


The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. ~G.K. Chesterton


If things go wrong, don't go with them. ~Roger Babson


Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. ~Dave Barry


Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart. ~Seneca


The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears. ~Bill Vaughn


There are as many reasons for running as there are days in the year, years in my life. But mostly I run because I am an animal and a child, an artist and a saint. So, too, are you. Find your own play, your own self-renewing compulsion, and you will become the person you are meant to be. ~George Sheehan


This morning, prompted by increasing concerns about terrorism, oil prices reached a record high as the cost of a barrel of crude is a whopping $44.34. Wow, it seems shocking that a product of finite supply gets more expensive the more we use it. Now the terror alert means higher oil prices, which oddly enough means higher profits for oil companies giving them more money to give to politicians whose policies may favor the oil companies such as raising the terror alert level. As Simba once told us: "It's the circle of life." ~Jon Stewart