funny quotes to live by

Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection. ~Author Unknown


The idea of history in any age, like the idea of property, or of progress, is an unstable compound; it is put together as needed, by historians or by philosophers, out of the irreconcilable opinions of men. ~F. Smith Fussner, The Historical Revolution


Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. ~Author Unknown


The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence. He inspires self-distrust. He guides their eyes from himself to the spirit that quickens him. He will have no disciple. ~Amos Bronson Alcott


A person can grow only as much as his horizon allows. ~John Powell


A book is the only place in which you can examine a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea without fear it will go off in your face. It is one of the few havens remaining where a man's mind can get both provocation and privacy. ~Edward P. Morgan


The first idea that the child must acquire, in order to be actively disciplined, is that of the difference between good and evil; and the task of the educator lies in seeing that the child does not confound good with immobility and evil with activity. ~Maria Montessori


Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love. ~George Eliot


Long A: Different people have different opinions on what is appropriate for various ages, but please be warned that there are a few quotes and categories on this site containing language or themes that some might find offensive.


Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule. ~Frederick W. Robertson Home is where you can say anything you like cause nobody listens to you anyway. ~Author Unknown


The poetry of the earth is never dead. ~John Keats


There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. ~Woody Allen


And he departed from our sight that we might return to our heart, and there find Him. For He departed, and behold, He is here. ~St Augustine


The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected. ~Will Rogers


Garden writing is often very tame, a real waste when you think how opinionated, inquisitive, irreverent and lascivious gardeners themselves tend to be. Nobody talks much about the muscular limbs, dark, swollen buds, strip-tease trees and unholy beauty that have made us all slaves of the Goddess Flora. ~Ketzel Levine's talkingplants.com


Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. ~Jean Kerr, Mary, Mary, 1960


Weather is a great metaphor for life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella. ~Terri Guillemets


Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards. ~William Arthur Ward


We need a type of patriotism that recognizes the virtues of those who are opposed to us. We must get away from the idea that America is to be the leader of the world in everything. She can lead in some things. The old "manifest destiny" idea ought to be modified so that each nation has the manifest destiny to do the best it can - and that without cant, without the assumption of self-righteousness and with a desire to learn to the uttermost from other nations. ~Francis John McConnell


You know what they say: You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks. ~Trey Parker & Matt Stone, South Park