funny people quotes

Information on the Internet is subject to the same rules and regulations as conversation at a bar. ~George Lundberg


Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson


Nowadays the clinical history too often weighs more than the man. ~Martin H. Fischer


When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. ~Norm Crosby


The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck! ~Author Unknown


It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. ~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, 1999, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore


We now no longer camp as for a night, but have settled down on earth and forgotten heaven. ~Henry David Thoreau


The truest mark of being born with great qualities is being born without envy. ~Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld


All the suns labor to kindle your flame and a microbe puts it out. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin


Religions are like farts. Yours is good, but everyone else's stinks. ~Picket Fences


Chaos is a name for any order that produces confusion in our minds. ~George Santayana


Excess on occasion is exhilirating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. ~W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up, 1938


There is no such cozy combination as man and wife. ~Menander


But when he shall have been taken from sight, he quickly goes also out of mind. ~Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ


It wasn't the Exxon Valdez captain's driving that caused the Alaskan oil spill. It was yours. ~Greenpeace advertisement, New York Times, 25 February 1990


The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them. ~Stephen King


If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. ~Henry David Thoreau


Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit. ~Elbert Hubbard


The past can't see you, but the future is listening. ~Terri Guillemets


Deja Brew: The feeling that you've had this coffee before. ~Author Unknown